M & M's melt in your mouth...

not in your hand, but they will melt on your butt if your seat heater is on. Why Kim....How do you know this to be true you ask? I know this because I walked around Michael's birthday party with a big poopy looking smear across my not so attractive butt. Did I mention they were the new dark chocolate kind? If this had happened to JLo the cute butt could have outweighed the smear but no such luck for me. I had been at the party for about an half hour when I went back out to the car to get the candles for the cake. I hit unlock, opened the door and noticed a melted green M & M smeared across my seat. It took me about 15 seconds to realize that the rest of the gooey mess was implanted on my butt. At this point I did the dreaded reach back and sure enough felt what was left of the green candy. Now I know what they say about green M & M's but trust me having sex was the last thing on my mind. As I looked up I locked eyes with Ashley and she began to laugh hysterically. This could be my out I think. If she laughs enough she could pee her pants and distract from my poo looking stain. No such luck. Not only did she not pee her pants but she heckled me all the way into the bathroom. Now the next description is not for the faint of heart. I found myself on a very frigid Saturday morning in a bathroom stall at the All Star Bowling Lanes holding my jeans in my hands. All that remained on my lower body was high heel black boots and bright red underwear. I bought the bright and gawdy underwear to insure it would not be stolen by my daughter and as a result there I stood dressed like a middle aged stripper. Well a middle aged nerdy stripper because I had my handy dandy Tide to go pen. I real stripper would have had something much more interesting in her bag, I 'm sure of it. After much scrubbing the stain disappeared and I was left with a big wet spot. I would have dried it with the hand dryer but that would have meant taking the stripper look public and there were children present so I endured. I have decided that I will no longer ear chocolate in the car during the winter. This will stop this from happening again and hopefully make my butt more "scandal ready" just in case. Wish me luck!!11