I don't do well with close games. Don't get me wrong I don't want to lose by a million points but those nail biting overtime games just about kill me. Both teams always want it so badly. They are all hustling and trying as hard as humanly possible to come out on top. Meanwhile I am in the stands trying to come out of the game with my manicure still intact.
I could never be the mom of an Olympic athlete. Having so much on the line with so much to lose and me not having any control over the outcome would require a Valium IV drip from the opening ceremonies to the final competition.
My problem with all sporting events is that someone has to lose.
It is for that very reason that I hate the Super Bowl. Every year there is all the hype and hoopla. They show the quarterbacks families in their seats all decked out in their teams sports gear. Their kids have their faces painted with their daddy's number and everyone is all smiles. That is until the game is over.
When the crowd on the field is celebrating I can't help but think back to the families of the opposing team making their way to their cars. The kids are sniffling and asking "what do you mean we aren't going to Disney World?". Can't you just see their little pitiful faces?
I know all you sports buffs are cringing right now and feeling the urge to give me a lecture about how competition builds character. I know, I know but does it always have to involves some one's heart getting broken?
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Being People, Not Parents
Last weekend my boyfriend and I spent two hours being people and not parents. This may sound like a very mundane and ordinary feat but for us it was a rarity.
Together we have four teenagers. That alone keeps us extremely busy and we are fortunate to have kids that call us and communicate on a regular basis. Add to that two houses, two jobs and a dog and we are crazy busy and often over committed.
But for a few hours the other night we sat and had a grown up dinner with friends There was a bar and we had a glass of wine. We ordered an appetizer that was not mozzarella sticks and had a conversation that didn't involve grades, clothes or college majors. When our dinners arrived they were not served with fries and no where on the menu was the word "chicken nugget".
During dinner we laughed and talked and held hands under the table. It felt cozy, romantic and very adult. For a few hours we were just two people in love having dinner and grown up conversation.
It was very fun while it lasted. By the end of the dinner, I had six missed calls and my daughter finally sent Brad a text to have me call her ASAP.
The next few hours while our expensive food was digesting we helped my daughter figure out how to get five hours away in a snow storm to a concert that she had just won tickets to on Facebook. By the time the rosy glow of the wine had worn off we were finding a tow truck and booking a hotel and talking my daughter through her first accident. We navigated through the chaos and car towing with the ease of old pros.
There is nothing in the world we do that is more important than what we do as parents. But I truly believe the few moments we spend getting to just be people strengthens our souls and our psyche and prepares us for the really important tasks like getting my daughter to the concert in one piece.
Together we have four teenagers. That alone keeps us extremely busy and we are fortunate to have kids that call us and communicate on a regular basis. Add to that two houses, two jobs and a dog and we are crazy busy and often over committed.
But for a few hours the other night we sat and had a grown up dinner with friends There was a bar and we had a glass of wine. We ordered an appetizer that was not mozzarella sticks and had a conversation that didn't involve grades, clothes or college majors. When our dinners arrived they were not served with fries and no where on the menu was the word "chicken nugget".
During dinner we laughed and talked and held hands under the table. It felt cozy, romantic and very adult. For a few hours we were just two people in love having dinner and grown up conversation.
It was very fun while it lasted. By the end of the dinner, I had six missed calls and my daughter finally sent Brad a text to have me call her ASAP.
The next few hours while our expensive food was digesting we helped my daughter figure out how to get five hours away in a snow storm to a concert that she had just won tickets to on Facebook. By the time the rosy glow of the wine had worn off we were finding a tow truck and booking a hotel and talking my daughter through her first accident. We navigated through the chaos and car towing with the ease of old pros.
There is nothing in the world we do that is more important than what we do as parents. But I truly believe the few moments we spend getting to just be people strengthens our souls and our psyche and prepares us for the really important tasks like getting my daughter to the concert in one piece.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Cardiac A-Breast
Today as I was driving to work I thought I was having a heart attack. Every time I took a deep breath I had a sharp pain in the middle of my chest. "This is it" I thought. This was my payback for all the Doritos and cheeseburgers. The time had come to face the music for the treadmill collecting dust in my basement.
I remembered that after my dad had his heart attack that I had started carrying an emergency aspirin in my purse. However that was about thirty or forty purse changes ago and I couldn't for the life of me (no pun intended) remember where it was.
Then it occurred to me that I don't have an emergency person. I am divorced and my oldest child is away at college. They would have to start calling random numbers in my phone. What if I needed a heart catheterization? Had I shaved my legs in the shower this morning? I really should have made my friend Tara my go to person but she is in Chicago. Why was it I had someone designated to pluck my random chin hairs but not one to make the big decisions? Then I was back to where in the name of all that was holy had I put that emergency aspirin?
This all occurred in about three minutes. Just before I was ready to call and leave the "goodbye" voice mail I realized that I wasn't having a heart attack. My under wire had come out of my bra and was poking me in the chest. Talk about a massive adrenaline letdown.
What I thought was going to be a life altering day turned out to be just another reminder of why I need to go bra shopping.....and find my emergency aspirin.
I remembered that after my dad had his heart attack that I had started carrying an emergency aspirin in my purse. However that was about thirty or forty purse changes ago and I couldn't for the life of me (no pun intended) remember where it was.
Then it occurred to me that I don't have an emergency person. I am divorced and my oldest child is away at college. They would have to start calling random numbers in my phone. What if I needed a heart catheterization? Had I shaved my legs in the shower this morning? I really should have made my friend Tara my go to person but she is in Chicago. Why was it I had someone designated to pluck my random chin hairs but not one to make the big decisions? Then I was back to where in the name of all that was holy had I put that emergency aspirin?
This all occurred in about three minutes. Just before I was ready to call and leave the "goodbye" voice mail I realized that I wasn't having a heart attack. My under wire had come out of my bra and was poking me in the chest. Talk about a massive adrenaline letdown.
What I thought was going to be a life altering day turned out to be just another reminder of why I need to go bra shopping.....and find my emergency aspirin.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
ADHD Attention Deficit Housecleaning Disorder
I have diagnosed myself with ADHD: Attention Deficit Housecleaning Disorder. I have suffered from this affliction for years and it is beginning to take it's toll.
Symptoms of this disease include but are not limited to cleaning the junk drawer when you have no clean underwear, organizing your jewelry when you should really be changing your sheets and leaving laundry in the washer for way too long while organizing your spices.
This disease is debilitating. It causes feelings of worthlessness and despair. You begin shunning your friends because you realize that the Christmas decorations are still piled on your dining room table but your magazines are alphabetized.
The ADHD episodes go something like this. You walk into your kitchen to a sink full of dirty dishes and cluttered counters. Before you can empty the sink you must unload the dishwasher. As you are unloading the dishwasher you notice that the big and the little spoons are mixed together. You can't ignore that right? So you decide just to separate the spoons. As you are separating the spoons you notice that the bottom of the cutlery organizer is dirty. How this happens I don't know since you only put clean cutlery in it but none the less you begin to take out all the silverware and wipe out the organizer.
While emptying the drawer you realize you have several of those coffee cups lids stored in there. They should be stored with the travel coffee mugs because that way you will have them together when you need them, even though you don't drink coffee.
After the travel mugs are organized your realize that several of the glasses belong to the set in the basement. You take the glasses and sit them at the top of the basement stairs so that your teenage son can walk past them for a few weeks.
Back to the silverware drawer. Upon inspection it becomes clear that someone has taken some of the good silver and placed it in the drawer. That has to be put back in the little silver pouch in the dining room.
Back to the silverware drawer. Why on earth are the little spreaders shaped like Christmas trees still in there? You put them beside the glasses so they can be carried to the basement and put in the Christmas entertaining tote.
As you are sorting the spreaders the one with the daisies comes apart. It will just take a second to hot glue it so you head to the craft drawer for the hot glue gun.
Hours later the silverware drawer and the craft drawer are organized. You feel such a sense of accomplishment until you look over and see the dishwasher is still half full and the sink is still full of dishes.
After all this organizing you go to bed disgusted with yourself for not being able to complete one simple task like loading the dishwasher.
When you think things can 't get worse you open the bathroom drawer to get your toothbrush and give another half hour of your life to this insidious diease.
There is no end to the madness and no telethon to raise funds for folks like us. So the next time you are at my house and the sink is full of dishes, just shake your head and say "Bless her heart" because my ADHD made me do it.
Symptoms of this disease include but are not limited to cleaning the junk drawer when you have no clean underwear, organizing your jewelry when you should really be changing your sheets and leaving laundry in the washer for way too long while organizing your spices.
This disease is debilitating. It causes feelings of worthlessness and despair. You begin shunning your friends because you realize that the Christmas decorations are still piled on your dining room table but your magazines are alphabetized.
The ADHD episodes go something like this. You walk into your kitchen to a sink full of dirty dishes and cluttered counters. Before you can empty the sink you must unload the dishwasher. As you are unloading the dishwasher you notice that the big and the little spoons are mixed together. You can't ignore that right? So you decide just to separate the spoons. As you are separating the spoons you notice that the bottom of the cutlery organizer is dirty. How this happens I don't know since you only put clean cutlery in it but none the less you begin to take out all the silverware and wipe out the organizer.
While emptying the drawer you realize you have several of those coffee cups lids stored in there. They should be stored with the travel coffee mugs because that way you will have them together when you need them, even though you don't drink coffee.
After the travel mugs are organized your realize that several of the glasses belong to the set in the basement. You take the glasses and sit them at the top of the basement stairs so that your teenage son can walk past them for a few weeks.
Back to the silverware drawer. Upon inspection it becomes clear that someone has taken some of the good silver and placed it in the drawer. That has to be put back in the little silver pouch in the dining room.
Back to the silverware drawer. Why on earth are the little spreaders shaped like Christmas trees still in there? You put them beside the glasses so they can be carried to the basement and put in the Christmas entertaining tote.
As you are sorting the spreaders the one with the daisies comes apart. It will just take a second to hot glue it so you head to the craft drawer for the hot glue gun.
Hours later the silverware drawer and the craft drawer are organized. You feel such a sense of accomplishment until you look over and see the dishwasher is still half full and the sink is still full of dishes.
After all this organizing you go to bed disgusted with yourself for not being able to complete one simple task like loading the dishwasher.
When you think things can 't get worse you open the bathroom drawer to get your toothbrush and give another half hour of your life to this insidious diease.
There is no end to the madness and no telethon to raise funds for folks like us. So the next time you are at my house and the sink is full of dishes, just shake your head and say "Bless her heart" because my ADHD made me do it.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Black And White And Always Right
I want to be 18 again. When you are 18 the world seems so clear to you. You have definite opinions and there are no gray areas. Everything is black and white and you think you are always right.
I remember those days when I thought "I would never tolerate that from my husband" but I did. I was so sure my children would never watch Barney but after a couple of years of not even being able to go to the bathroom alone Barney became both our best friends. I wasn't going to compromise myself for a job or do anything that was against my beliefs. I was going to be a leader and take control and single handedly change the world. The only thing stronger than my convictions was the certainty that I would be the first one to have it all.
We all think we know how our lives will turn out and how we will "take care of business" when we are young. It all looks so simple and we can't understand why the adults around us are so darn stubborn.
News flash, we aren't stubborn we are seasoned. Over time we have lived and learned and been faced with our own situations where suddenly that black and white blurred into gray. We have had our hearts broken not just by our lovers but by so many other things in life.
We are the living , breathing equivalent of Google. If you ask us and really listen we can teach you what we know based on what we have learned, most likely the hard way.
There is a part of me that misses the old black and white me. I wish life was that simple and that everything had a definite answer. Truth is, it isn't. It is hard and messy and by the time you turn 30 you will have reevaluated everything you believed when you graduated high school.
So my advice is to seek advice, listen, learn, be informed and follow your heart. Enjoy your black and white because much like your hair the gray will come soon enough.
I remember those days when I thought "I would never tolerate that from my husband" but I did. I was so sure my children would never watch Barney but after a couple of years of not even being able to go to the bathroom alone Barney became both our best friends. I wasn't going to compromise myself for a job or do anything that was against my beliefs. I was going to be a leader and take control and single handedly change the world. The only thing stronger than my convictions was the certainty that I would be the first one to have it all.
We all think we know how our lives will turn out and how we will "take care of business" when we are young. It all looks so simple and we can't understand why the adults around us are so darn stubborn.
News flash, we aren't stubborn we are seasoned. Over time we have lived and learned and been faced with our own situations where suddenly that black and white blurred into gray. We have had our hearts broken not just by our lovers but by so many other things in life.
We are the living , breathing equivalent of Google. If you ask us and really listen we can teach you what we know based on what we have learned, most likely the hard way.
There is a part of me that misses the old black and white me. I wish life was that simple and that everything had a definite answer. Truth is, it isn't. It is hard and messy and by the time you turn 30 you will have reevaluated everything you believed when you graduated high school.
So my advice is to seek advice, listen, learn, be informed and follow your heart. Enjoy your black and white because much like your hair the gray will come soon enough.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Cruise Wear Crisis
Several months ago I scheduled a cruise to the South Caribbean. At the time my mind was filled with visions of being a few sizes smaller and having muscular toned arms. I could just see myself on the beach looking amazing in a big hat with a sexy bathing suit and an umbrella drink. That is what the magic of the cruise website does for you.
Fast forward to one month before the trip after a few too many Christmas cookies. The only vision I have is the one in my dreams where the Slim Fast can keeps chasing me up and down the beach. My arms flapping in the wind as I try to run away.
I don't know why I thought I was going to make such a life altering transformation over the holidays. I am a sucker for a Christmas cookie and allergic to the treadmill. Not a great combination.
The body I have is more conducive to a cold climate where the turtleneck and long pants are the staples of your wardrobe. My physique screams out for a cardigan and a scarf.
Shape aside I have skin that you can see my vascular system through and I don't tan very well. Doesn't that sound lovely? I have no fear of being featured in the next Carnival cruise video.
But the good news is I am 46 and I have come to the conclusion that this is the body I have and I am not going to let my flabby arms and pasty skin interfere with my ability to have a good time. I will find a cute cover up and layer the sunscreen and hope that everyone around me is drinking ....heavily. Cheers!
Fast forward to one month before the trip after a few too many Christmas cookies. The only vision I have is the one in my dreams where the Slim Fast can keeps chasing me up and down the beach. My arms flapping in the wind as I try to run away.
I don't know why I thought I was going to make such a life altering transformation over the holidays. I am a sucker for a Christmas cookie and allergic to the treadmill. Not a great combination.
The body I have is more conducive to a cold climate where the turtleneck and long pants are the staples of your wardrobe. My physique screams out for a cardigan and a scarf.
Shape aside I have skin that you can see my vascular system through and I don't tan very well. Doesn't that sound lovely? I have no fear of being featured in the next Carnival cruise video.
But the good news is I am 46 and I have come to the conclusion that this is the body I have and I am not going to let my flabby arms and pasty skin interfere with my ability to have a good time. I will find a cute cover up and layer the sunscreen and hope that everyone around me is drinking ....heavily. Cheers!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Y'all Don't Be Mean To Paula Deen
I can't believe how hateful and awful y'all are being to poor Paula Deen about her diabetes, or as we call it in the South, sugar.
Folks are saying she deserved it for eating all that fattening food. Someone even accused her of being happy about her diabetes medication endorsement. They make it sound like she sat around munching on a stick of fried butter until her pancreas became overworked, then start singing "We're in the money!"
Nobody wants to be diabetic. It is not a fun disease. To make fun of my sweet Paula for announcing that she has it is just plain wrong.
Instead we should be applauding her for taking time to get educated before she announced it to the public. She is taking steps to get healthier. Her health is really none of our darn business so the fact that she made it public and is campaigning to educate is above and beyond what she should have to do.
I know I wouldn't want all my health information to become public. I got upset when they started putting my weight on my prescriptions. Heck, why bother to wear Lycra under your clothes when the pharmacist knows exactly how much I really weigh?
Give my Miss Paula a break.
Folks are saying she deserved it for eating all that fattening food. Someone even accused her of being happy about her diabetes medication endorsement. They make it sound like she sat around munching on a stick of fried butter until her pancreas became overworked, then start singing "We're in the money!"
Nobody wants to be diabetic. It is not a fun disease. To make fun of my sweet Paula for announcing that she has it is just plain wrong.
Instead we should be applauding her for taking time to get educated before she announced it to the public. She is taking steps to get healthier. Her health is really none of our darn business so the fact that she made it public and is campaigning to educate is above and beyond what she should have to do.
I know I wouldn't want all my health information to become public. I got upset when they started putting my weight on my prescriptions. Heck, why bother to wear Lycra under your clothes when the pharmacist knows exactly how much I really weigh?
Give my Miss Paula a break.
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