To: Children residing in the Eller household
From: The Laundry Maven
Date: April 28, 2010
RE: All things laundry.
Please find below new policies that are being instituted immediately.
1. There will be no laundry accepted after 8 p.m.. Any laundry received after this time will be considered laundry for the next business day.
2. Any money found during the laundry process will be considered a donation to the "Make Mom's life better fund".
3. All laundry will be processed in the way it is presented. Let me clarify, if your baseball socks are in a ball, they will be laundered that way. Same rule applies to jeans turned inside out.
4. My laundry baskets are NOT part of your bedroom furniture. Those lovely rectangular oak things with drawers are where your clothes should be placed. Seriously, they aren't just for creating water rings and dust. Think of me as the Blockbuster of Baskets, you will be fined if they are not returned.
5. The penalty for gum left in pockets will be as follows: You will be locked in the laundry room with a pair of sweaty baseball socks until the gum is removed. Don't try to blame it on your sibling because you both chew different colored gum. Removal process will be explained from outside the door.
6. The time to tell me you have no more underwear is the day you put the last clean pair on your body. If you come to me with wet hair , wrapped in a towel and tell me you have no underwear you will be given a hearty handshake and wished the best of luck. Contrary to popular belief I can not make underwear appear out of thin air.
7. If you find that you have not complied with rule no. 1 and are forced to perform the laundry process alone, remember this. Washing one pair of jeans at a time makes them very sad. Clothes are happier if you wash a bunch of them together. It is like a party and is called a load and is quite popular in the laundry circles.
8. Any clothes returned as dirty that are still on the hanger from the last time they were laundered will be considered a breach of our laundry contract.
I look forward to continuing to serve you in the future.
Mom the Laundry Maven