I am trying to come to grips that life as I knew it ended when my dad died. I am no longer anyone's little girl. I have no one to call and tell my car,kid, husband troubles to and after he finished laughing he would guide me toward the wisest path. I have no one that thinks no matter how many stupid mistakes I make that I am still smart and special. I wish I could see the twinkle in his eyes when I walked into the room. That look that said come on over here girl, I want to hear all about everything. And talk about everything we did from the economy to the latest questions I had from my girlfriends on why their husbands do the things they do. Even if the answer was as simple as "because they can" that was enough to get us all laughing.
Mostly I just miss being daddy's girl. We had it all planned out that he was going to live to about 100 and I would find him a great nursing home. It had to have a window with a squirrel feeder outside the window an a doctor's order for a whiskey and coke if needed. I was so looking forward to having at least twenty more years with him and now that is all gone. Will my heart ever start hurting? Will this pit in my stomach go away ? He was a man that found joy so easily in his everyday life will he help me find a way somehow? I miss him so much that it is all I can do to get out of bed in the morning and shower. That seems like about all Iam capable of right now. But I know I have kids an a husband that need me to be back to normal so I am trying . but really all I want to do is curl up in bed and cry.
1 comment:
Kim - I can't find the words, but please know that I think of you every day and if you need anything I am here for you, even if you just want to watch John fold the laundry :) Marget
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