Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Grief is a lonely thing....

because no one does it the same. I call my family to check on them but sometimes those conversations depending on their grief level at that moment can prove most difficult. Everyday I get up and try to start my day. All I really want to do is curl up and sleep because when I am sleeping dad's death is put on hold. I can slip into the abyss of darkness and for eight or so hours I can rest. But inevitably I awaken and the reality hits me like a punch to the stomach. When that happens I try to quickly close my eyes and escape back into the slumber but it does not happen. I awaken to a world without him and must begin the act of living the day. Yesterday I took my kids and a friend to the mall. The mall is a taxing place with teenagers on a good day but yesterday was especially difficult. I just wanted to be somewhere quiet and alone, and the mall is not a place for solitude. By the time I got home I was about ready to jump out of my skin. By evening I found myself huddled in the guest bath on the floor sobbing with my trusted dog by my side. I remember people saying that when the hustle and bustle of the funeral is over that the really hard part begins and I believe that now to be true. I hope you will all continue to pray for me and my family.

No comments: