First of all, for all you people that clicked on this link thinking it was some kinky story from a divorced woman....shame on you. Michael's friends read this blog (Hi Maggie) Grab the rosary and say ten Hail Mary's.
But not to disappoint there was a big surprise in my bedroom last night. Exhausted from the day I crawled into the most wonderful bed in the world. Pillow top Serta with six hundred thread count sheets and a hand stitched quilt. Every time I climb into it I think to my self "Thank God I got this in the divorce".
I snuggled in and rolled over. The sheets were cool and I slide my hand under my pillow.
It took me a second to process the fact that six hundred thread count sheets don't feel cold and slimy. I screamed threw the pillow off the bed only to find a cold slice of pizza. I just about wet those wonderful sheets.
Apparently my lovable little beagle had gotten into the basement and gotten into the left over pizza from the Homecoming party. I was shocked of course because Michael had said he had gotten rid of all the pizza.
I marched down the stairs in my boxers and Tigers shirt holding the pizza in one hand with every intention of killing Michael with the other. Fortunately for him there are two flights of stairs between us and I was slightly winded by the time I reached him so I didn't really have the energy. (I wonder how many people are alive today because their mothers were just too tired to kill them?)
When his eyes met mine and he saw the pizza he immediately began his defense.
"I don't know how he got down here! I closed the door! I put the box up high. "Apparently he felt Hoosier, our dog, was solely to blame. Seeing as our dog has no thumbs I found it difficult to believe that he opened the door to the basement all by himself.
I think the young lad was missing the point. It wasn't the dogs fault, it was his. Plus the dog is the only one in the house that is excited to see me and eats whatever I put in his bowl for dinner so I am most certainly not going to kill him!!!
I calmly informed him that if I found another piece of pizza in my bed I was going to have to kill him. His nod confirmed he understood.
As I headed back to bed I thought about that being a idle threat because he was too big for me to carry and hide the body. But on the plus side he does have a nice burial suit that fits thanks to Homecoming. While you have your rosary beads out send out a prayer for Michael. One more incident of pepperoni pillow and it could go either way.