Monday, August 20, 2012

GPS To Paris

        Sammie "Rand McNally" Davis and Mary Owens

Yesterday I took my grandmother to Paris to visit her sister Mary.  Being that I am geographically challenged I was depending on her to lead the way.  

I could have used my navigation system but she doesn't like that "little man talking to her".  Every time he gives a direction she jumps about two inches off her seat and says "who in the world was that?"  There are things more annoying than being lost if you get my drift.

So with my grandmother in charge I received my first instruction.  
I was told to back out.  Really?  I think even I knew we had to back out.  Oh well, when you don't know where you are going you can't be too smug.

After that I was told we were going to stay on this road for a "fur piece".  I was not sure exactly how far that was so I inquired as to where my next turn might be.

I was told that I didn't have to turn until I got to Louise's big ball.  Upon further clarification I realized that about twenty years ago my grandmothers sister had seen the water tower and said "look at that big ball" and since the turn was right after that it of course forever more described as "turn left by Louise's big ball".  Makes perfect sense.

After we turned by Louise's big ball I of course wanted to know what was next.  The next turn was a left right after the house with all the pine trees in the front yard.  Should be easy to spot driving through rural Tennessee right?  

A few miles later I was abruptly informed to take the next left. 

"What about the house with all the trees ?" I ask

"We just passed it" she said.

"That house didn't have a yard full of trees" I said.

"Oh, I know they cut those down years ago. But they used to have trees all in their yard. Don't worry you don't have to turn again until we get to the big fish" she explained.

Somehow this didn't make me feel a lot better but I ventured on believing that even I couldn't miss the big fish.

Sure enough, just as you enter downtown Paris there is a sign with a huge fish on top that says "Welcome to Paris.  Home of the World's Largest Fish Fry".  Paris France may have the Eiffel Tower but I bet it doesn't come with hush puppies and slaw.

Next we made a circle around the square as opposed to just turning right.  When I was foolish enough to ask why I was told "that's just how you go to Mary's."  All right then.  Let me just be quiet and drive.

After a few more uneventful turns where we actually followed street signs we arrived at our destination.  I had no idea where I was or how to get home.  When I told my grandmother that if something happened to her while we were visiting I wasn't sure how I would get home she looked at my with the "where did I go wrong "look.  

With the wisdom of all her years she said "You'll follow the ambulance."  I guess you don't get to be 85 without a good deal of common sense.  You have got to love her. I know I do.

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