How I almost died for cooking oil....

I spent this week in Tennessee with my kids, my brother and his daughter at my grandmother's house. There are so many stories that I almost couldn't decide which one to tell you first but thought the one where I was near death would be good so here goes....

Phone ringing....my aunt Brenda-Honey has called to inform us that Food Rite in Newbern has cooking oil (not Wesson but Buy Rite brand) for a dollar and today is the last day. Does my grandmother need any she ask? Asking my grandmother if she needs something that is on sale is like asking a group at an AA meeting if anyone needs a new liver. The answer will always be a resounding YES!! Grandmother hangs up phone and voices her concern that Brenda Honey will only be able to get six ..three she will purchase and three her husband will purchase. How will she carry all these and will she give three to her are the questions my grandmother is pondering out loud. While she ponders she stares at me with those big blue eyes and I immediately suggest that my brother and I drive over there and then we can get six just for her.....Yippee!!!! She can store them alongside the 500 trash bags and thousands of canned goods. This sounds like a great plan to her. So off we go.

We get to the store and there are frantic Southern belles everywhere trying to get their hands on that oil. The end cap was empty and we were led to a box of oil in the back of the store. The lady that scurried us back there acted like we were making a drug deal and quickly disappeared. We boxed up our six bottles and made our escape. Now we are at the checkout and paying separately for our oil as they are very strict about their three per customer rule. We turned to look outside as we were waiting and realized that for six in the evening it was completely dark outside. Not a good sign in the South. As I walked over to look out the window there is the longest and darkest cloud I have ever seen. I send Tony and Taylor to the car and wonder if my grandmother will kill us if we don't come home with the oil and decide our chances are better with the tornado. As I get into the car the rain is pelting me and the cloud had developed a tail. Now I am no Al Roker but I do know enough to realize that if a storm cloud starts to form appendages we are in deep doo-doo. Tony, who watches way too much weather channel, describes how we can tell if the possible funnel cloud is moving toward us or away. I am more worried at this point about hail damaging my grandmother's car than I am about diving in a ditch to escape a twister. I figure we can put the cooking oil in first , then Taylor and leave Tony for the top of the pile. Luckily, as fast as it appears it goes back up in the clouds and we breathe a sigh of relief. This won't be how it ends. We will not die for bargain brand cooking oil and my grandmother will be able to deep fry many more pieces of meat in the future. Life is good.

Reward for solving mystery

For the past couple of weeks our beloved dog Hoosier has been stalking something in our backyard. It is obviously something nocturnal since he only barks between 3:30 and 5:00 a.m. No matter how fast I leap out of bed and run to the window there is nothing to be found.

The first few times it happened we all almost had a heartache. Hoosier is a beagle but not a barker. In fact when we were bringing him home to "surprise" Steve and were told by friends that beagles were barkers we thought he might be deaf. Knowing that we were already endangering our lives by "surprising" Steve we performed a few tests just to make sure he wasn't deaf. We already had two kids that had difficulty following commands I thought a deaf dog might push him over the edge.

So for the past several weeks we awaken to the baying of a beagle and we have all become immune. The kids used to run out like the house was on fire but tonight I was the only one that stirred. I would love to know whatever it is out there so I could somehow rectify this situation. I am old and tired and not accustomed to rising before at least 6:30( very rarely). I need my beauty and sanity sleep. I have irrational teen-agers to deal with every day and need my wits about me. My ability to remember names , dates and other important events (like did I already condition my hair in the shower) is diminishing fast enough without these late night stakeouts. So a reward to anyone who wants to camp out in my yard and identify this creature. Maybe I need to call the Pet Psychic or the Dog Whisperer? Or better yet maybe I just need to call my pharmacist......LOL

For the love of pete I'll give you the five dollars!!!

Yesterday Ashley and I went to see Julie and Julia. Great movie. Loved it. Almost didn't make it in time. And here is why:

There was a very sweet old lady in line in front of us. She had apparently been so eager to see the movie that she pre-purchased her tickets. She just had one little problem...that turned out to be every one's problem. One of her family members couldn't make it and she wanted a refund. It is apparently easier to get a kidney than a refund for a ticket at United Artists Commerce Township. First there was a form to be filled out. Luckily she had a friend with her and she helped her with all the much needed information. I don't know why they need all that info just to give you back your money but they do and she gave it up willingly but very very slowly. After completing the lengthy form she was supposed to sign on the X. This turns out was not so easy. Nanny Granny signed in the wrong spot. Who cares right? Wrong. The little faded polo wearing teenager behind the glass was very perturbed. To make matters worse she kept trying to explain this major movie theatre faux pas to Granny thur that very annoying loud speaker. Why they need a big protective glass window and a speaker is beyond me. Has someone really tried to high jack some movie tickets? Even if they do you have two hours plus those lengthy ads to call the cops and apprehend them. Almost everyone today pays with a debit/credit card so is that REALLY necessary? I digress.

Granny signed in the wrong spot and the girl reached out and pulled out the walkie talkie. That's when I knew we were in big fat trouble. The walkie talkie meant she was going to have to call a faded blazer wearing member of management to o.k. the signing in the wrong spot mistake. Meanwhile the crowd was growing restless and you could practically hear the time ticking away on the clock mounted behind the glass and loud speaker. Ashley and I were really in a hurry as we had purchased McDonalds french fries and were smuggling them in. With every tick- tock of the clock the aroma was escaping from her bag and I think the restless natives around us were getting hungry. There was not telling what this crowd might do for a nice hot french fry to munch on while we waited. I will give the lady credit. She didn't turn around and look all flustered like most people. She stood her ground and waited for her five dollars like it was all the money in the Denver mint. After what seemed like an eternity blazer boy arrived and scrawled his signature and all was good with the world. Nanny Granny was very happy and all her friends were very happy. They had bucked the establishment and won. I kind of knew how they felt as we munched on our fries. Common folk: 2 Blazer boy: 0

I love summer...

now but that was not always the case. When the kids were little my friend Tara and I would count down the days until school was out....to see how many more days of freedom we had left. We would make glorious plans for the month of May only to realize the month of May is consumed with end of the year parties/picnics/ceremonies/bus rides, etc. Then the dreaded day would come. Backpacks would be flung in th closet and the adventure for them would begin. When they were toddlers a bowl and some cups would make them happy but now that they had been out in the world they had higher expectations. I would awaken with the realization that for the next three months I would be expected to be Julie McCoy, Cruise Director. The first few years I bought into the theory that the first days out of school were ones to be celebrated. Zoo trips, picnics, pool parties...yee hah schools out. The problem with that theory was that if I started out the summer as one big party by August I was out of money and ideas. August is a very long month. It has 31 days...that's a lot of days to fill with little kids. Heck, that's a lot of days to fill with grown-ups. It is hot and humid. August is what made me choose school bus yellow as my favorite color and the back of my children heads as they entered the bus my new favorite photo. Like I said August is a very long month.

It got easier as the years passed. They got older and could make their own cereal. I convinced Michael that waking a sleeping mother by putting your face as close to hers as possible was dangerous to my health as well as his and a rested mother was a happy mother. This took a grand total of three years. After the first year he stopped with the heart attack move but progressed to using my bathroom , having the dog jump on my bed and my favorite...getting in bed with me and sighing loudly every ten seconds until I opened my eyes. If he wasn't so darned cute I would be serving 25 to life as we speak.

I learned that the best approach was to start out the summer as the tough as nails mom and gradually ease up as summer went by. I drew up contracts to communicate summer chores and expectations. We would not be leaving the house until rooms and the kitchen were in order. By starting out like summer was a military camp they were tickled pink in August to do anything. Mission accomplished.

Now they are older. They sleep until 11:00 and don't get really active until three. They hang out with friends, we can watch the same movies and like the same music. Not that I didn't love Veggie Tales but one can only tolerate singing cucumbers for so long. Soon they will be gone in the summers. I will awaken when I chose and I will have to call them and beg them to make plans with me. So right now is the perfect time. We are all on the same wave length. We are one with sleeping late and staying up late and I am in totally in love with summer.