Yo, dog what's up?

My ten year old son Michael wants to be a gangster. Now I don't think he can spell gangster but thanks to MTV that seems to be the coolest thing to be. According to him being a gangster involves a certain type of walk. The first time I saw him doing it I ask him if his shoes were too little because he looked like he was in pain or having some type seizure. I've got news for him if it's true white boys can't jump they sure as heck can't "gangster walk". The next step in his endeavor is to attempt to wear his pants ever so slightly below his boxers. I informed him if I was to continue to see his underwear they will be replaced with Sponge Bob whitey tighties or some other fun character like Arthur that we would all enjoy viewing. Apparently gangsters have no sense of humor because he did not find that at all amusing. He wants to wear his baseball cap with the bill flattened out so I told from the side he looks like the Afleck duck. Again, my home boy wasn't laughing. I am sure being a handsome white pre-teen from an upper middle class background must be tough so I sympathize with his need to escape by forming this new identity. But , Michael I hate to tell you ...If your mama stills drops you off at school, you ain't no gangster!!!!

Why can't everything just STAY the same?

This week there has been a major change in my life. My BFF Tara got a new job downtown Chicago at Northwesten Hospital. This means between the commute and the job she does not have time to spend hours with me on the phone discussing whether or not Starr Jones was prettier when she was fat or the latest chapter in my redneck family escapades. Don't get me wrong I could not be prouder of her. She just completed her classes to become a cardiac ultrasound technician and she deserves this success as much or more so than anyone I know. But I miss her!! I miss that I could see someone in a hideous outfit and call her on my cell phone and make her laugh. I miss that she is the only one that understands that I am contemplating murder when they give me a regular coke instead of a diet at the drive thru. I miss that she has saved many a drive thru person's life by reminding me that there is no air in prison. ( I really don't understand why that isn't more of a deterent?) I could call her with any problem no matter how big (my dad just had a heart attack) or small (why is finding the right purse so impossible?) and she would always understand. You see we have been friends for ten years!!! Do you know how much crap happens in a person's life in ten years? And she has been there for all of it. Trust me she knows WAY too much!!!!!

I know I have to just put on my big girl panties and deal with it but I think I will just take a day and eat chocolate and mourn the freedom of conversation that we have lost and be a little sad. And then, I will find a new way to keep in touch with my best friend because no matter how many hearts she scans she will never find one like min that is so full of unconditional love for her. I guess that is what I get for having a smart successful friend.

I am in mourning!!!

Being a freshman parent

is really hard. I liked being a freshman the first time around much better. Now when I don't exactly know where to go or what to do I risk embarassing myself and Ashley which is a much more serious offense. Of course everything I do embarasses Ashley as well it should. I tell them that embarassing them is my job. It insures that one day they will move out.

Ashley has now entered the realm of high school and I am sure you all remember that you are never smarter than when you are in high school. I remember being amazed at how smart I was when my parents did not appear to be all that bright. But after I completed college and had two kids, my parents became genuises!! That must have spent all those years I was busy being so much smarter than them studying and learning about life because the transformation was truly amazing. When I call my dad now with my tales of woe concerning my kids he gets tremendous pleasure. He doesn't even try to hide it, he'll laugh right into the phone. It seems no matter how sad pathetic my tale is he can always top it with something my brother or I did that was much worse. His advice for Ashley's problems is PMS shall pass. His advice for Michael (being that he is just like my brother Tony) is to kill him before he gets to big for you to bury him. Those I feel are not the words of encouragement I would expect from such a wise man. Well, if what they say is true you pay for your raising and if paying for that is anything like buying Christmas and birthday presents I will be paying for my brothers as well. HA!

I am looking for a hot man!!!!

If anything should happen to Steve and I find myself looking for a new husband I only have one question for him. Are you hot or cold? I don't care about the number of teeth he has retained or his finances I need a man that is the same temperature as me. You see as you age your priorites change. When you are younger you consider looks, career and compatibility. When you turn forty you look for a man that isn't shivering under a comforter because you have the ceiling fan on low. No matter what the temperature if I open a window , turn up the air or the fan my husband looks at me like I have two heads. Now I will compromise on alot of things but I refuse to sweat under my breast while I sleep. Call me stubborn but I need a hot man..

Can you see this now?

I had my annual eye doctor appointment today and each year it gets more depressing. First of all I think it is very stressful. They make you look into the machine and show you letters and say "is the first one better , or the second one?" Well they all look the same to me. I get the feeling he is trying to trick me and any minute he'll say "Ah ha...they are all the same letters ...You're an optical fraud!!!" Then they blow air into your eyes and expect you to keep you eyes open. After the exam I was informed that I needed reading glasses and did I want bi-focals? Bi-focals?!, upon hearing this I immediately started trying to get my hair up in a bun. He could have handed me a walker and a box of prunes and I would have felt younger. You see, about 18 years ago when Steve and I first married we went to the home of his boss for dinner. The couple seemed so polished and perfect and she gave us a tour of their beautiful home. On her nightstand there was a book and a pair of reading glasses. I remember thinking "wow, she must be older than I thought if she needs reading glasses!". Well I am now that woman but I feel anything but polished and perfect. When I pick up my glasses I will most definitely hide them in a drawer when those young perky couples visit.

I love fall.

I love this time of year. I love that in the morning and evening you need a sweatshirt but during the day it is warm and enjoyable. I love that the backpacks and attitudes and new and fresh. I love the sound of the high school marching band as they practice for the Friday night game. I love the leaves turning, pumpkins and mums on the porch, apple picking, bon fires and big sweatshirts. How could anyone not love the fall? Well apparently there are plenty of people here that don't. Every time I say I love the fall someone invariably states "not me, I just think of what comes next". Well missing out on fall because of winter is like looking at your butt in the mirror when you eat ice cream. It just takes all the fun out of it.

A crown for Kim

Yesterday I had my first extensive dental work in thirty years. Oh I go every six months for a cleaning but everything is always fine. On my last visit I had an old filling replaced and afterwards I couldn't chew on that side without pain. Not wanting to return, I decided that on ly being able to chew on one side would be a great weight loss solution so I toughed it out. But then things got serious. When I travel I always eat Hot tamales (the candy). They are my treat for when I travel only. I use them to calm my nerves and they keep me from killing my children. Just a little FYI, if you eat those delicious hot candies on one side of your mouth only they are really HOT! That is when I knew I had to find the courage to recline back in the dentist chair one more time for a solution to this problem. After another visit the dentist decided that I had a cracked tooth and needed a crown. The way they find out if it is cracked or you need a root canal is to torture you with various instruments until the pain in intolerable and then make their decision. I used to brag that I loved going to the dentist but I have since changed my tune. It's not really the pain but the noise the drill makes. I told him that if my car made that noise I would pull over immediately thinking the worst. I really didn't look forward to hearing it for an hour inside my mouth. He turned on the t.v. for me (he is a very high tech dentist you see) but even HGTV didn't calm me. I knew then it was serious. After an hour of drilling and surveying my tooth he said he was done. BUT he went back in and started again. I reminded him of the I am done statement and he said "I can't help it I'm a perfectionist and I have to get it just perfect" I informed he that I was not a perfectionist and since it was my tooth I was quite certain it was just peachy. Now the wait is on to see if it improves or if I need a root canal. I will do whatever I have to do to get my hot tamales back. A mother of teens has so few true pleasures......

Taylor bug

Any one who knows me knows that Taylor Elizabeth is my six year old niece. Steve says she is the only thing (traveling to her birth) that has ever gotten me out of bed before six a.m.. That's just how much she means to me. I spent the past weekend with her and all I can say is "Good luck Susan(her mom)". I have never met a smarter or wittier child in my life. She is very dramatic and when I told her to "Save the drama for your mama" she immediately came back with "Well, you can save the attitude for Ashley." This is what Susan is up against and I am grateful that she is up to the task. You see I had smart and witty toddlers myself and let me tell you stupid kids are much easier to raise, at least until they need to find employement. I have known people with really dumb kids (nobody I hang out with now so don't call me..) and they are a piece of cake. You just plant them in front of a movie and there you go. Smart kids are harder and all the qualities that I see in my kids and Taylor that make them seem so impossible at times are exactly the qualities that will make them into awesome adults. Headstrong, curious , full of energy, witty are all great things to be as adults but not some much fun for adults to try to control in their child. So to Susan I say if you can make it 12 more years without killing her you are going to have one amazing daughter and I will have one amazing niece. My wish for Taylor is that one day she will have a daughter just like her.

Michal's hair ....

Micheal got a hair cut today...well not just one she might have actually cut four or five. When he came out to the lobby I thought he had never even graced her chair. He looked exactly the same except for a few straglers she nipped off the back. I know she did let him sit in her chair because she whispered to me as to not let the other customers know what a favor she was doing me by "only charging me ten dollars". What a steal!! As I calculate she charged me two dollars per hair. Now she can't shoulder the blame alone you see Michael has been in control of his hair for the past few years and this is the cut he requested. I am a firm believer that I have many more important battles to fight in the future with hair style not even making the top ten. I know that all the grandparents, his baseball coach and his dad think her needs a serious cut but I am thinking in high school I will be able to say that I always let him "express himself with his hair choices but a tattoo is out". Do ya'll think that will work? Me neither but I will admit he does look great in longer hair. Next time I'll just get my cuticle scissors out and cut those hairs myself.

There's just nothing like Riley baby!!!

My next door neighbors Stacey and Brian had a baby this spring. She was a premie and I fell in love with her right away. I was so excited to see her that I tried to get into the NIC unit for a sneak peek right after her birth. Apparently, they take security very seriously there and since I love their gift shop I thought it best not to get "escorted" out of the building. I started begging, I mean asking right away if I could babysit. She is so sweet and tiny and ya'll know there is nothing like snuggling with a newborn that isn't yours. HA! I tried not to stalk them because I know settling in with a baby is hard but I really wanted to help. When my babies were born I was off away from my family and there were times I prayed someone would just take them for a few hours. I promised myself then that I would always come to the aid of any new mom I could help. Now before you think I am some noble and amazing creature I must confess that since I got my hands on her the first time my motives have been completely selfish. I think there is something so amazing about knowing someone from the day they were born and I can't wait to watch this precious little girl that I call Riley baby grow up. My kids are fast approaching the end of all the simple things in life but with Riley baby around I will have someone to watch trick or treat, buy baby clothes for and surprise with ice cream when she is old enough. No matter where we end up I will always remember watching out the window at night wondering if she is sleeping thru the night, being jealous of her mom when she gets that sweet smile that I so rarely see from my teens unless there is a VISA card involved and how tiny her diapers were when she first came home. There is a magic where she is concerned because she is helping me to remember when my babies problems were solved with a cracker or a bottle and I was in control of their world. Those days go by so quickly. So if you read in the Detroit News about the snuggle stalker being nabbed you'll know it was me.

Isn't there anyone I can call about this?

My children started school this week. As many of you know my favorite color is school bus yellow and my favorite site is the back of their little heads in September. Please don't judge me if you are childless until you have played Julie McCoy cruise director for three months to two children who are chronically BORED!!

Well this year the road crews have dealt me a harsh blow. My daughter and son have had the quickest route to their schools blocked by road construction. Being that we are surrounded by lakes there is only one other route. I haven't seen so much anger and frustration since I stepped on the scales after baby number two. Now I have inflicted pain upon myself for allowing my daughter to chose her high school so I have to drive her at 6:45 every morning but now I also have to drive my son because his bus (due to the construction) is 45 minutes late to school. Now each morning I will leave my home in my pajamas with a jumbo diet coke to drive two kids to two different schools. I am sure it is karma for all those years of glee and bliss at the sound of the school bus coming down the street but I am really concerned for the safety of the kids and all the others on the road. There has to be someone I can call who will make it all better?!!