Michael is a new club.

It's called I have had my first kiss club. When this info was presented to me I almost had to pull over on the side of the road. Being me I dug in for more details and found out rather quickly that there was no tongue involved so I felt a little better. Michael I think felt a little queasy after the discussion. He is just growing up too fast....much fast than his older sibling. IF I had a third child would they be smoking and driving by now.

Maybe the dingo ate my baby or

maybe she is just entering High School. Either way my baby is missing and I would love to find her but like with the dingo I am afraid she is gone. She looks so mature and beautiful and smart and I wish for her all the great things that can come with high school and none of the bad. I want her to wear big sweatshirts to fall football games, I want her to find a few friends that she can reallly trust and I want her to have a friend that's a boy that maybe in a few years could become more. I want her to manage her caseload and know that grades are a big important part of her h.s. experience. and so that when she discovers what her passion is in life she can find a college that wants to help her work toward them. But most of all i want her to know how much I love her and how proud I am of her.

Maybe the dingo ate

I have a dream

that one day I will ask my children to do something and they will take action and not attitude. I have a dream that I will be judged as a mother not by how many loads of laundry I have done or slurpees I have purchased but my the number of hours I was in labor. I have a dream that when my children see my dog sitting at the back door with his legs crossed that they will take pity on his bladder and let him outside. I believe (foolishly) that one day my children will not fight over who started it and who passed the first lick but will turn in this moment of fury and see their mother's emotional state is teetering toward a three day psych hold. I dream of the day when surrouded by more electronics that we had in my entire childhood town that my children will not have the nerve to come to me and say "I'M BORED" But the dream I dream most is that one day I will ask my children the dreaded question, "Did you brush your teeth" and they will smile showing off their 6,000 dollars with of orthodontia work that have been not only brushed but flossed as well and say Yes, dear mother, YES!!!!!

The circle of my life

Some of you out of staters may not know this but in MI you can get your learner's permit at 14 and 6 months. If Ashley could find her cell phone she could reveal to you via it's count down function exactly when she will get hers. However, since we are unable to locate it you will just have to assume that the time is WAAAY too near. In preparation for this , the last month of my life has been spent preparing her to take the class that leads to this insane event occurring. The only place we can drive is in parking lots with very few cars. Her particular favorite is Northern High School. Here we get to go around in a big circle for as long as my patience will allow. Now if I have had a dramamine my patience is much longer but if not it only takes about fifteen minutes for me to feel sweaty and queasy which puts an immediate end to our circle session. Doesn't that sound like fun? Every time we get in the car she wants to go to drive. Now call me crazy but should they really let a kid that can't find their cell phone and are still having trouble with their locker combinations man a vehicle?

I shop by weight....

for my groceries now. I don't remember grocery shopping being such an ordeal. I used to take both kids and shop and now just completing the task alone seems like too much. Lately I have noticed that I don't want to buy things that are heavy. I stared at a 24 pack of coke yesterday and actually groaned. I knew I was just too tired to put it in the cart, take it out and put in on the conveyor(why don't they have a code for heavy stuff so you don't have to take it out of the cart?_Put it back in the cart , load it in the car and unload it at home. It just wasn't a committment I was willing to make. I can only committ to a 12 pack and that is if I am having a really good day and I am not PMSing. Dog food, forget it. I would rather go thru the drive thru and feed my dog cheeseburgers than haul a huge bag of food. I know I am destined to be one of those people with the little carts. You know the ones, they have the short carts and can always legally be in the express lane. I used to think they were so efficient and frugal but now I know the truth...they are just plain tired!!

For those of you that are saying , Doesn't she have two strong kids to help her? I say you need to get back on you meds.

Ready, set, HIGH SCHOOL

Well, I can't believe it but soon I will have a fifth grader and a freshman!! I feel so old. I remember when I was in high school and my parents and the parents of my friends were really OLD. I understand now why they looked so tired and why Carol's mom, Etta rubbed her head alot. I look at my baby and wonder what the next four years will hold for her. My bigger worry is how often will I be rubbing my forehead.

The chicken rug

I have a new rug for my kitchen!!! I have been thinking about it for a while but my cleaning lady Dawn's comment suggested I move it up on my list of things to do. When she was here last she said "I have a green and cream rug that might look good in here. Next time I come I'll bring it to show you. It might not match perfect but it will look better that what you have now." In her defense (which it took me some time to get over the insult and see that she had one) the rug under my table has seen it's better days. But in my defense it was a rug whose primary purpose was to catch food when it fell off the kitchen table. Also, I grew up on a farm where window treatments where called curtains and we ordered them from the Sears catalog. That was the extent of our re-decorating efforts.

So Steve and I ventured out to shop for a new rug. Please note that the last rug Steve purchased was in 1990 from a man selling rugs at a gas station that was out of business. I am not making this up. It was in Gallatin , TN and we STILL have the rug in our basement. So I knew that shopping for an expensive rug with him was going to be like giving birth without an epidural. It would be painful, involving a lot of gritting of my teeth but if I was very brave at the end I might have something beautiful. Hence the birth of the chicken rug. Really it is a rooster rug with yellow, red , blue and green and it is gawdy just the way I like things. I "installed" it yesterday and everytime I walk into the kitchen I think two things 1. I LOVE MY CHICKEN RUG and 2. PLEASE GOD DON'T LET THE DOG CHEW ON IT . IT COSTS MORE THAN MY FIRST CAR. I will post a picture for all to see and warn you that once you see it you are going to want one of your very own.

I survived a car trip with

three generations and a dog. Not just any car trip but a two -day trip in 103 degree temperatures!! There has to be some type of prize out there for me somewhere. Highlights of the trip:

1: My daughter wants to drive but has no desire to learn how to pump gas.

2: My son likes to watch movies with the wireless headphones on but insists on relaying every funny phrase or action sequence to you in a VERY loud voice.

3: A large diet coke from McDonalds (not matter how happy it makes you) translates in to a bathroom stop about every 150 miles. If I was traveling with my bff Tara that would be much shorter.

4: It is apparently against the law for everyone to pee or be hungry at the same time. Therefore we were averaging only 75 miles at a time.

5: Everyone wanted to go and pick the dog up early from grandma Jackie's but NO one wants to let him out at 6:30 a.m..

6: If a fly starts attacking my mother at a McDonalds she looks alot like a person with Teret's syndrome. This also will make Ashley choke on chicken selects. For those of you that don't know those are the five dollar version of the chicken nugget. At that price I assured her that if the hemilich manever was necessary we would be retrieving that piece of chicken from the other side of the room for "re-consumption".

7. Ashley is now 5'7" tall which means I got to ride all 750 miles with her bright red painted toe nails sticking up on either side of me. The next time I travel in this manner I will be soliciting a sponsor say maybe the company that makes Xanax. I will put a big sign on the van that says THIS TRIP MADE POSSIBLE BY XANAX and gobble down all the free samples they will give me. I think that is a fabulous plan. Don't you?

Jaw sugar

At the shower there was the cutest baby. He looked just like Michael - big head and no hair. He was so cute that I just had to hold him. I scooted next to the woman who appeared to be his grandmother and asked if I could hold him. She said "why goodness yes" and handed over the little one. After I had gotten lots of "jaw sugar" and a HUGE amount of teething drool I turned to hand him back and she was gone. By gone I don't mean stepped closer to the cake table I mean Gone!! There I stood with this baby who was quickly changing from precious to big drooling blob and I had no idea who he belonged to . My family was no help so I was stuck. After several minutes and lots of spit ( it was a one sided wet tshirt contest by this time) his mom came up ot us and said "well , I wondered where he had gotten away to " Where he had gotten away to ? He was six months old, shaped like a Weeble and so slick with spit he couldn't have gotten away if he tried. I tell this story for Jennifer because I know she will be aghast to hear of the forgotten baby!!!!!! (the names have been omitted so she can't report them to the authorities)

Monogrammed toilet paper

We all attended a bridal shower on Saturday for my second cousin and it was thrown in typical Southern style. Lots of good food, beautiful decor and lots of "how are ya'll"! One of my favorite gifts the bride to be received was monogrammed toilet paper. It was so cute and I of course can't wait to get some. Ashley commented that only in the south would someone give monogrammed toilet paper as a gift. The worst part she said was that no one around seemed at all appalled. That's my family for you!

HOTTER than the hinges of hell!!!

Well, Ashley and I finally made our trip to Tennessee. It was a long trip (12 hours total ) and the most tramuatic part was saying good bye to the dog at Merle and Jackie's house. He looked shocked and Ashley cried when we pulled away but I think everyone survived. I was not as fazed by the good bye as I was conditioned by toddlers with their face pressed against the window screaming MOOOMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmY! Some how the dog running along the fence line didn't seem as pitiful.

The temperature here is 102 degrees and as one of my southern friends says "It's a three bra day". It is so humid that even at 9 pm it is still sweltering and everybody just wants to be inside. Now I remember why I don't like to visit in August..UGH!!

Taylor is just as adorable as ever. She is smart, opinionated and funny and I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! We are doing the usual shopping at Walmart and playing with my jewelery. She never seems to tire of these activities. That is why I am sure we get along so well.